Dear Auntie
I left my husband for a man who led me to believe that we would have a wonderful life together, but the reality was very different and now I'm so unhappy. I deeply regret my actions and realise now what an awful mistake I've made. I'd love to have my old life back, but my husband won't forgive me because he was very hurt when I left. He says he can't trust me any more and isn't prepared to risk it. How on earth can I convince him that this will never happen again? Gemma, Cheltenham

Dear Gemma
Well well well, you've made a total bollox of things haven't you? The simple answer is you can't convince your husband to come back to you because you are a dirty, lying, stinking whore and about as trustworthy as a dog in a sausage factory. Quite frankly he will be far better off without you so why don't you stop being so fucking selfish and let him get on with re-building his life - you vile slag! Auntie