Dear Auntie
I'm really starting to feel that we have let it slip in the second test. We were unable to bowl out Australia cheaply and as a result had only a first innings lead of 38. Although our batsmen have increased that lead to 97 with nine second innings remaining, I fear that there is now insufficient time to win the game? What can I do?
Duncan, Adelaide
Dear Duncan
Unfortunately I fear that you have already fucked it up thanks to your defensive selection policy for this match. Had you had the bollocks to pick Monty Panesar you would have a bowler on the park who could've potentially removed all those stubborn Aussies, in both innings. But no, you have to pick boring Ashley fucking Giles don't you! Granted, Giles may add an extra 25-30 runs to the lower order, but on a wicket like Adelaide they were never going to be needed. Giles is a tidy, economical bowler but is never going to bowl out a team as long as he's got a hole in his arse! Panesar was routinely removing the best of the Pakistani & Sri Lankan top order this year - no mean feat - or have you forgotten that, you ungrateful prick? Have some bollocks and pick an attacking team for the third test and we may yet bring the Ashes home. Auntie
