Dear Auntie.
I've been divorced for 12 years and have two sons, aged 19 & 21. Neither of them works. I'm 54 and have met a man I used to go out with when I was 19. He wants me to move away to be with him. My boys say I'm being selfish and will make them homeless if I leave. I think I should have a life of my own now. I wouldn't mind if my boys even tried to get jobs but they just play computer games all day. What should I do - move away or stay with my boys? Lois, Quahog

Dear Lois
I can't believe I'm hearing this!  You evil, dirty, selfish old slut.  How can you even think of leaving your babies when they need you most, whilst you go swanning off for dirty sex with your fancy man! Women like you disgust me.  It's not 5 minutes since they were babes in arms, and now they are taking their first cautious steps into the grown up world and you want to piss off to fuck knows where with some wrinkled lothario.  Who the fuck is going to cook their dinners or iron their shirts?  They're just kids for Christ's sake, they won't last 5 minutes on their own.  For once in your life theink of somebody other than yourself and your sex life you disgusting old whore!! Auntie